Woman finds out her best friend got engaged through Instagram Stories: ‘I've watched her from afar on Instagram - with her posting her accomplishments with multiple graduate degrees, and refining her art and her career’

Author image for Olivia Arocena
Olivia Arocena • Writer and Editor
Nov 10, 2026 12:30 PM EST

Heartbreak and unrequited feelings also happen in friendships

It's a peculiar kind of heartbreak. One day you find out you're not as important as you thought you were in your friend's life, and it's terrible. You might have been living in a fantasy, just like it happened with some of your adolescent romances. It's okay; we've all been there.

It might feel uncomfortable at first, but as we move past that initial discomfort, we might reach true liberation.

Unlike romances that require a certain degree of communication and date planning, friendships can survive on remarkably little contact. Months can pass without a single conversation, sometimes even years, and you know that if that friend ever needs anything, you'll absolutely be there like the first time, because love is unchangeable.

The thing is, that love is unchangeable for you doesn't mean it is for others.

When we don't have much going on in our current lives, we tend to romanticize the past and stay attached to long-gone friendships for a lot more time. Nothing is exempt from the passage of time, not even those friendships we thought were going to be eternal.

And it's not even personal; most of the time, the end of a friendship like that is not about something that we can fix or change; it's just about circumstances and what became more natural for the other person's life. They might still love you, but if they are a pilot now and every day they see other pilots and live in another state, other pilots will likely become their best friends.

And perhaps we don't need to turn every one of these realizations into a confrontation, because there is nothing to be fixed; it's really just the passage of time and the natural movement of life. We could, instead, make room for the sadness, and say goodbye to our friendship, knowing they'll always preserve a big space in our hearts.

After all, we deserve to have friendships that are naturally with us today, and not spend our days longing for friendships that are too far away for us to reach. People can remain dear to us even if we're not a part of their day-to-day lives, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't move on and search for something new.

If we want to enjoy friendship, the moment is now, and it should feel just as natural as breathing.

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10675933696
    via Céline Druguet

    The woman finding out her friend got engaged.

    Actor performance of story events

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    Best friend engaged & married without telling me.

    Last night I opened Instagram and saw that a good friend of mine had an active story so I clicked. - on it to see what she posted and to my absolute shock it was a series of wedding photos from her
    via AttyCatbugs
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    recent wedding. I didn't even know she was engaged. I'm devastated - I'm heartbroken. I'm very sad. I'm 33 years old. Me and my friend met in art school back in 2011. I've always
    via AttyCatbugs
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    considered her my best friend. Since college we've lived on opposite sides of the country. I don't think either of us are especially phone-centric, so we've stayed in touch but it's very intermittent. We've done a few video chat
    via AttyCatbugs
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    catch up sessions over the years. But I've still always considered her my best friend. I have a lot of love for her. I think about her often. I am always wishing the best for her. I just simply have a dedicated space for her in my heart
    via AttyCatbugs
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    regardless of how often we talk or physically see each other. I've watched her from afar on Instagram - with her posting her accomplishments with multiple graduate degrees,
    via AttyCatbugs
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    and refining her art and her career - and I've always felt sooo proud of her, sending little hearts/likes/congrats when she posts something. But again, not very phone-centric, so it's when she posts and it's
    via AttyCatbugs
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    Cheezburger Image 10675933952
    via Paul Hanaoka

    The woman watching her friend's stories.

    Photo is a representation of scenes



     

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    when I look. I don't have a lot of friends. My partner and I will get married someday. I've always imagined what that will be like. That it will be a small wedding. But here's what I've always told
    via AttyCatbugs
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    myself: that she would be there. That we'd definitely share that together. That we'd go to each other's weddings. Obviously. I've just always had it in my head that: (1) she is a dear friend, one of the
    via AttyCatbugs
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    best; (2) that we don't stay in frequent contact but frequent contact isn't needed; (3) that hopefully one of us gets to the other side of the country and visits the other at some point; (4) but at the very least we would go to each
    via AttyCatbugs
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    other's weddings! and be there to share in that person's happiness. And with my wedding - I've literally always thought - yes, I want to get married. And no, I don't want it to be a big event. Yes, it's
    via AttyCatbugs
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    sad/kind of weird that I wouldn't have a lot of people to invite, but - that SHE would be there - and that (besides getting married to my love) - would make it all worth it: to share in that happiness with someone I go way
    via AttyCatbugs
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    back with and have kept in my heart all these years. Of course we would. Come to find out - she got married without even telling me she was engaged. And I DO understand "small
    via AttyCatbugs
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    weddings" and limited invitations - I get that. But she didn't even tell me she was engaged, that she was getting married - to even give me the chance to say congratulations, to send a card, or a gift, and to have known so that I
    via AttyCatbugs
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    could be happy and excited for her from afar. It would still feel like sharing in that moment with my friend. Come to find out she didn't even feel the need to tell me in the first place.
    via AttyCatbugs
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    I'm experiencing a lot of sadness and grief. There's not much for me to do about this other than work through my hurt. It's a seismic shift in my heart - and in my mind - as it relates to this friend and who she is to me - she's
    via AttyCatbugs
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    still the same. But I think I must have had much more attachment to her that she has to me. Thank you for reading.
    via AttyCatbugs
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    Has this kind of thing ever happened to you? From either end of the situation?
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    transemacabre You've lived on opposite coasts for going on ten years (judging from your ages) and neither has made an effort to visit the other. You don't call, text, Facetime, anything. Your interaction went as far as hearting her social media posts. She did not consider you a close friend and there was little reason for her to tell you about her engagement or her wedding.
    via transemacabre
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    Strawberryvibes88 You sound like a kindhearted person and I don't blame you for feeling sad. However as others have echoed, it sounds like you were honestly acquaintances at best. This stood out to me: "I've watched her from afar on Instagram." This isn't really a relationship, you were merely following her on instagram.
    via strawberryvibes88
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    Cheezburger Image 10675934208
    via Joshua Koblin

    Representation of a close friendship.

    Stock photography for depiction only

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